Will I lose my job?  “Stood down”, what does it mean anyway?  Am I in the right job?

These uncertain times can certainly bring up the concern of job security, but also presents an opportunity to truly check in with yourself and to consider “Is this the career path I always wanted?” or “Is my work a true expression of who I am?”

Why is this the best time to find out?

(a)  This could be the wake-up call you have needed to commit to your passion, to look for  greater fulfillment in a role where your strengths are appreciated, or an environment that “just-feels-right”.  It’s important for you know exactly how to do this, with the right guidance, personalised tools, and perhaps the right coach.

(b) The stress of uncertainty compounds over time.  Instead of waiting for conditions to change, why not alleviate your stress by getting clear about your purpose, your capability, and craft a plan to get you where you want to be.  When you move from confusion to clarity, stress naturally disappears.

It’s time to gain clarity of purpose and of your future.

This crisis has hit hard and very quickly.  It has thrown all normality as we know out the window and has left us disrupted and agitated. People wonder what is going to become of all this, of their jobs and of their way of life.  The stress of this sustained crisis is likely to affect many people for months to come.

In these times, it’s important to know that anxiety and grief are natural states, however without intervention, your wellness can go from bad to worse.  According to medical research conducted by Harvard University, chronic stress can keep us in fight or flight mode, and can diminish our performance and capacity to think effectively by up to 50%.  Unless we take charge of our career related stress and wellness, the impact of this crisis could have grave financial and human consequences.

Fortunately, we have a few specialist coaches with a dual focus and expertise in the areas of career change and wellness.  They encourage and guide clients along a two-pronged process which releases stress and anxiety and helps to clear the mind of clutter and negative patterns – clearing the path with a plan to align identity, strengths, and purposeful careers.

Who can help you make a successful career change?

Shahran Masood, a Performance Coach | Career Change Specialist | Resilience Coach on the team, says “with clarity of mind and greater self-awareness you’re well on your way to call on your strengths and express yourself honestly in work, business and life”.  Shahran will support you in the alignment of your (new) identity and with your career development plan. While receiving consistent coaching and being held accountable, good habits will form, your confidence will grow – as you bridge the gap from where you are, to when you want to be.

For full details and pricing go to our Contact Us page to make your request or call Sandy or Shahran on 1300137706 for confidential discussion.

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You will often hear people who are reluctant to put themselves “out there” say, “I’m shy”.  They are almost always struggling with low self-esteem. They can also have minimal self-awareness and not sure about how they come across. They fear that someone will think badly of us or reject us. People often forget that they have their own uniqueness. No two human beings are alike, yet they constantly compare themselves with unrealistic stereotypes of the perfect woman or man. These stereotypical aspirations can do more harm than good and maybe keeping the real YOU locked away or hiding out.

Don’t believe the hype.  Believe in yourself.

After nearly 17 years in the coaching industry we have identified the most effective steps you can take to release the label of “shyness” and be FREE to you be YOU.  Each of these steps guides you towards developing awareness about your true worth and enables or releases a sense of relief as you let go of self-doubt and start to demonstrate a confidence level that truly lifts your spirits.

1. Make a promise to yourself to never think or say “I’m shy” again
It is a MUST!  If this really challenges you then I suggest you start to think of the statement, “I’m shy” simply is a label.  A self-imposed (and painful) label.  I suggest you don’t waste any more time trying to figure out why you have given yourself this label. You have probably gone over and over it in your mind or with a counselor  many times.  You might have found many reasons why you have been shy or how you got to be like that. It is safe to assume that you will always find many reasons (excuses??) especially when you start to plan a social outing.   It doesn’t help in a practical sense, at all.  So, let go of focusing on what doesn’t serve by taking far more positive, proactive, practical and effective steps towards the beautiful state of FREEDOM that social confidence brings.

2. Continually top up your “self-love-tank”in between social outings
The greater the self-love; the greater the quality of life. Self-love is the catalyst for confidence. One of the things that both men and women say is the most attractive attribute in a person the person’s confidence and attitude.  By taking time to do things for yourself that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside is paramount to confidence and self-esteem.If you were to make a list of all the things that would make you feel pampered, warm and fuzzy I am 100% confident you would say you actually find each thing fun, delightfully pleasant, relaxing and always uplifting to do.  So, why not choose 2-3 things each week to HAVE more fun and to feel fabulous?  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!  Gain is good, right?

3. Write a vision statement for yourself  about your best version of YOU
You could write a statement something like this one…….”I am so happy and proud of my own uniqueness. People love to chat with me and I am there with an open ear whenever I can be. I take time out to ‘smell the roses’ each day and I feel so grateful for all the beauty around me and my own beauty that I allow to shine from within. I stand tall, I smile, I choose to focus outwardly by focusing on finding ways to help others to be comfortable, in the moment, having fun. This makes me comfortable and easily able to enjoy myself.  This win/win brings joy and freedom all around. Each day counts and I love learning and growing as I go about each day. It is great to be alive because I have chosen to live a fulfilling life. I plan my social life and make no more excuses.  I am no longer my own best-kept secret!”.Read this or read your very own vision statement every day.  Tweak it as you evolve and improve your life.

4. Practice playfulness and presence
It is evident that people who have been labeling themselves as “shy” for a while have simply forgotten how to be playful. Mucking around with your best friend or your best buddies at school was often a daily occurrence at lunchtime.  You probably shared silly banter and just hung out enjoying the moment.  You didn’t think about it.  It just unfolded each day and you were cool with that most of the time, right?  So, what was actually going on between you and your friends.   I would suggest it was the sum of these things:

• You were in the moment (fully present)
• You were carefree, accepting and non-judgmental
• You were just being yourself (not perfect and you didn’t care)
• You made sure you and everyone had a good time.

5. Don’t take yourself too seriously and K I S S it! Socializing is just that – it’s social.  Social is all about being around other people and not being stuck in your head or hiding out behind the label (or excuse) of “I’m shy”.  If you were to give yourself permission for the next month to just be fully present, carefree, accepting and focused on helping those around you to have fun and be happy I can guarantee that you will feel a whole lot better. You will have measurable improvement in your self-esteem and feel a lot more FREEDOM to be yourself. But!  But, only if you don’t take yourself or socializing too seriously!  The KISS principle is a great way to stop taking yourself too seriously.

K – keep    I – it     S – simple   S – sweet/sexy/savvy/sensational you!

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What’s the impact on your potential?

We have a very tall eucalyptus tree in our front yard. It must be well over 10 metres tall. We’ve watched this tree grow over the past 10 or so years from a sapling that was given to me by a friend who used to have it in a pot in her backyard. She didn’t have the space to plant it in the ground and it was very pot bound. She knew it would never reach its potential in the pot and so she asked me to plant it in the ground. It is now definitely in a place it can reach its potential.

Are you pot bound?

I wonder how many of us allow ourselves to stay pot bound? In an organisational context, are we in jobs that we’re good at, but that no longer stretch us? Are we allowed to spread both our roots and our branches? If not, what’s our pot made of? Is it organisational constraints, a lack of encouragement and support, have you developed your capability in your current role to an extent that others don’t want to lose you from that role (i.e. the plant looks great where it is, and they want to keep it there, even if it’s not best for the plant)? Could it be your own confidence, mindset and belief systems, or something else? How do you know when you’ve moved beyond your comfort zone and actually become pot bound? And what impact is this having on your potential?

Are you manifesting your potential?

John Whitmore, in ‘What is Performance?’ (Coaching for Performance) suggests that on average, we only manifest about 40% of our potential in the workplace. Does this mean we aren’t able to even fill our pots, or are we actually pot bound? I would suggest that often we’re probably pot bound, either by our own beliefs or by organisational structures, processes and lack of support. Perhaps we just need nutrients and more sunlight, or perhaps we actually need to increase the size of our pot, or even be planted in the ground. If this is the case, how do know we’ve reached this point?

How do I know it’s time to replant?

I think the first sign is that of being aware of wanting to move out of your comfort zone. You may have a sense that you’re capable of more, even if you do enjoy your current role. You may feel bored, or unchallenged, you may have a sense of your increased capability and confidence, or you may feel that you are no longer a good fit with the company or team you’re working in. Finally, you may just feel restricted by the status quo.

Moving to a bigger pot

If this is the case, it may be time to look for a bigger pot. First become aware of what your pot is made of and then have a look at what a better fit would look like. What would allow you room to grow both your roots and branches? If you’re not sure how, consider coaching. This is a great way to tap into your potential and to explore a pot or patch of land that will allow you to reach your potential.

Laurenne Di Salvo is an Accredited Coach (ICF), Corporate Trainer and Learning & Development Consultant. She enables individuals and groups to take the next step in their development through evidenced based coaching practices and learning programs.

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Have you ever found yourself doing things that you are competent at, but that you don’t particularly enjoy? While you may not actively dislike the tasks, they certainly don’t energise you and perhaps they even leave you feeling bored. Maybe you’ve thought about moving into a new area of work because you already have the skills. It feels like the practical, sensible choice, but your heart’s just not in it.

We sometimes explore these situations with clients with the thought starter “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.”

This can apply at work, in making career decisions and in your personal life. The nett result of ignoring ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should’ is that you often feel frustrated, dissatisfied or even bored.

Why is this a problem?

If you spend a lot of time doing things just because you can, there’s no time and space to do the thing things that you really enjoy, the things that keep you in flow, that light you up and energise you. You may experience the satisfaction of a job well done, but this is different from the satisfaction you feel when doing something you believe really represents you properly, that you feel proud to have completed well.

A different approach

What if you took a different approach and tapped into those things you really enjoy, rather than those things that you believe you ‘should’ do. One way to do this is to identify and draw on your ‘signature strengths’ rather than on your ‘learned strengths’.

To identify your signature strengths, think about what gets you into flow. You know, that state where you get completely absorbed in a task and lose track of time. You often know you’re using your signature strengths when you feel energised, engaged and motivated.  Ask yourself, does this idea/work/activity energise me? Do you feel ‘in flow’ when doing it or thinking about it? If not, you may be using a ‘learned strength’. This is one you’ve developed based on need, rather than one that comes naturally to you.

Say you can absolutely do detail oriented work. You can even do it quite well if you put my mind to it. However, you don’t enjoy it and feel quite drained of energy when you spend too much time on these tasks. This doesn’t mean you should not do work of this nature. In fact, it’s really important that you can do this, as we all need to do detail oriented work at times. However, it would be ill advised to work in a role where close attention to detail and routine were key aspects of the job, as this doesn’t draw on your signature strengths. That is, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

What’s the benefit?

Why does this even matter? Well, the research suggests that when we draw on our signature strengths we’re happier and more productive.  This has certainly been true for me. So, if you’re looking to move into a new role, think about what would best allow you to use your signature strengths. If you intend to stay put, think about how you could recraft your role a little to allow greater use of your strengths. What projects could you get involved in? How could you do your existing role a little differently?

How often are you in a ‘just because I can, doesn’t mean I should’ situation? So, what can you do differently?

Ask yourself, how can I learn about my signature strengths and how to apply them?

Not sure what your signature strengths are or how to apply them? Not sure how to apply your strengths at work to allow you to do the best job you can? Not sure what you would like to be doing? Book your Discovery and Strategy Session today

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I wholeheartedly believe that creativity is something that can be ignited in each and every one of us regardless of who we are or what we do for a living. Now, I can appreciate that creativity means different things in different industries, though I believe that being creative is simply being true to ourselves.

Being true to ourselves means spending more time doing what makes us happy, doing what we love. It means giving ourselves the opportunity to really listen to that inner whisper living inside us all, that points us in the direction of a more purposeful, fulfilling and playful life. When we tap into that source which I call creativity, we step into a space where we can take more risks, we can think outside the box, we can be more innovative and courageous as we navigate forward in our professional and personal life.

We lead lives that can be enormously busy juggling different balls, sometimes all at once. My philosophy is that putting creativity in the driver’s seat can inspire self-confidence, resilience and authenticity in our working and personal lives. When we ignite that creative spark, we live more in curiosity, rather than self-doubt. We live more in purpose, than confusion. Finally we live more in humour. And you know what they say about humour? Smiling is the highest form of meditation. I highly recommend it!

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As always, the first step in doing something about a blind spot is awareness. And yet, having light shone onto a blind spot can be very challenging. It can have us questioning ourselves and our way of being and it can impact our confidence. It can absolutely feel like criticism, but it’s usually not.  Really, it’s an opportunity for growth and personal development and as such, it’s a gift.

So how do we lessen the sting and increase the learning? I think there are a number of key steps:

1. Approach any feedback around blind spots with a learning mindset.  

Be curious. What does the behaviour, approach or mindset look like in different contexts? That is, how does the behaviour show up for us?

For example, while I’m not proud of it, I know it doesn’t bring out the best in me if I don’t feel heard. This may show up in responses that are a little sharper than I intended, or I may interrupt instead of allowing someone to finish what they’re saying. The trick for me is to look further and see if needing to be heard actually shows up in other places that I’m a little less aware of. I need to be attuned to the signs that may be more subtle, but may still impact my interactions with others. This may be needing to finish a story, or being upset when someone interrupts me. Then I need to understand the impact this has on those I’m interacting with.

2. Create Space

Viktor Frankl says that “between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

I think the next step in addressing blind spots is to create space. Once we are aware of a trigger, or of situations where we tend to slip into default behaviour that isn’t helpful for us (this could be holding back from saying what we need to say, it could be blaming others rather than being accountable, it could be repetitive patterns of behaviour with family members or colleagues), we then need to create the space to allow us to be more proactive in our responses. We can do this by breathing, we can do this by being curious about and observing our reactions, we can do this by acknowledging the emotion we’re feeling and then reappraising the situation and our response options. These are just a few of many options to create space.

3. Explore New Responses

This is where we get to play with new responses. Now that we know what we’re doing and we know the response we will get with our default behaviour or mindset, we can use the space we’ve created to think about some alternative options. We can give them a try and see what the result is. How does the situation change? How do we feel using this alternative approach? Is it more helpful for us? Is it better received by others? Does it help us achieve our goals more effectively? If yes, keep doing this. If not, try another approach. This is a great chance to explore, to experiment and importantly, to learn.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Practising self-compassion isn’t actually a final step. It’s really something to implement the whole way through. Remember that no one is perfect. No one gets it right all the time and no one expects us to. And while some situations may not bring out the best in us, in most situations we probably behave very well and we probably do get it right. However, we are human and as such, we are fallible. What defines us is how we view our imperfections. This is where we circle back to implementing a learning mindset and the best way to do this is with curiosity and without judgement.

So, notice what happened and if it happens again, use this as an opportunity to identify your triggers and to play with new ways of responding.

Will it always be comfortable? Probably not. Will it enable growth, learning and personal development? Absolutely, if you let it.

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I was working with one of my favourite clients, she is a well established business woman, energetic, focused and highly driven.  We were working on her business, she was growing but it was lacking foundation and visibility.

In one of our sessions we looked at her client base and some of her clients had not paid her for work she had completed. Even though she had contacted them on several occasions she still did not receive payment, it sounded like my client had not set her boundaries (and policies) clearly enough.

It prompted me to ask her some challenging questions and once we dove into this topic a little bit deeper we uncovered something quite interesting.

It turned out she was (without being aware of it) under-valuing herself and her services on a regular basis. She was telling me that when she submitted her quotes for jobs and the client would say “oh this is a bit expensive” she would quite often drop her price. This type of behaviour was not only present in business but in other areas of her life as well.

You see me client wants to be liked by everybody…. the reality is not everyone will like you.

We adjusted her strategy, implemented some steps that would give her confidence when having to address the payment or pricing issue in the future.

Soon after, my client contacted me to tell me about one of her clients she had recently quoted, the client rang her and said “your quote seems a bit pricey”, her response this time was different instead of reducing the price she stepped him through the value they would be receiving. She concluded the conversation with “I will leave it with you and let me know when you have made your decision”.

Within two hours she received a call back that she had won the job.

This is one of many stories, if you don’t believe in yourself enough or your product or service then how will your clients?  If this question and story triggers some discomfort within you it is time to explore your belief systems and re-invent your communication from a new and stronger position.

Sarita,  Business Mindset and Strategy Coach

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Why do teens test the boundaries? Why won’t they listen to you? How can you control their behaviours more? Common questions, with a Secret Solution. Teens test the boundaries for several reasons; to aim for a sense of freedom, to get your attention, to determine what they can and can’t get away with and to feel like they have power and control. In order to better respond to these reactions from your teen, check out the following tips:

Tip 1 – Remember your teen is a Developing Adolescent

The four cornerstones of adolescent development are independence, body image, peer relationships and sexuality. Your teen’s behaviours are driven by these factors, so keep this in mind before you discuss your desired boundaries.

Tip 2 – Work together to find an agreeable compromise

We have found you are more likely to gain agreement on the boundaries when you try to  understand what they are trying gain, what they want to explore and why they think they want it. – keeping in mind what stage of their development they seem to be in.  If you can reach an agreement with your teen, ensure it is fair, safe and teaches your teen that something or part of their request is better than nothing at all. Refrain from adopting the Brick Wall Parenting approach or “My Way of the Highway” syndrome, as this WILL lead your teen to rebel even more.

Tip 3– Set boundaries that teach Cooperation & Responsibility

With this focus, teens will develop a real sense of freedom through being empowered to take responsibility, and thus be confident in making more choices for themselves. They can become problem solvers and feel compelled to be more useful and helpful to others.

Tip 4 – Communication is the Key

Be assertive and stick to your guns when setting boundaries. Emphasise what might happen if the boundary wasn’t upheld, but don’t resort to “Worst Case Scenarios” or make verbal threats. Consider making the conversation future-focused, highlighting the long term benefits and rewards for your teen by them following boundaries now.

Tip 5 – It’s up to You to Control the Conversation

Plan and prepare for your talk I advance; this has many benefits. By knowing your desired outcome, you can structure the talk around boundaries and be more prepared for your teen’s possible refusal and defiant questions.

Tip 6 – Use the Power of Positive Reinforcement

When your ten follows and respects your boundaries, reward them for it! You can just simply come out and say “I’m proud of you”. Even cook them a special meal, increase their pocket money, or do something fun together. Rewards will encourage your teen to continue to follow the boundaries and see the benefits in doing so. But remember to reward reasonably.

Tip 7 – Always Keep an Open Mind

Try your best to let go of strong judgement. This can reduce disappointment, prompt effective questioning and honest answers and build self-awareness in your teen, and you. Consider multiple approaches to setting boundaries and try them all.

Bonus Tip – Focus on the Relationship

Get to know your teen as they change and grow. Spend quality time with them, but also allow them their space and independence. Ask questions about their day, offer suggestions by telling them about an article your read or create a story of how something worked well for another family so you can still get your advice “out there” without them thinking you are telling them what to do or nagging them.  It works a treat! It also helps to keep a healthy relationship because teenagers tend to steer away from advice and may clamp up if they know you are going to advise them all the time.  The better your relationship is, the better behaved and safer your teen will be.

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Our teachers in life come in all shapes are sizes. For example, my kids are often my teachers. I know I’m biased, but I think they’re amazing little people. While both display these characteristics, one son loves passionately, thinks with such clarity, is compassionate and very patient. The other is creative and courageous and vivacious. I love them both dearly!

I also love that they are willing to call me on behaviour that others wouldn’t. I think this is important. They call my behaviour, question my comments and metaphorically hold up a mirror for me. This can be a little confronting. It is also very healthy. Fortunately, sometimes what they say is also what I’ve said to them, but clearly I need to hear the message too!

In fact, I’m sure they teach me as much as I teach them. Often this is about being mindful, about being present and about being grateful. Inadvertently, they enforce some of the principles behind Positive Psychology!

Let me give you a few examples:

One son wanted to buy Christmas presents for a couple of his friends. He used his pocket money and bought what I believed to be ‘expensive plastic crap’. I clearly mentioned this a few too many times, because he said to me, ‘Mum, can you not wreck this for me?’

He stopped me in my tracks. Instead of appreciating that he’d put a lot of thought into what
his friends would love, and being excited for him that he would enjoy the look on his friends’ faces when he gave them what he knew they would love, I was focused on how I objectively valued the gifts.

I immediately said, ‘Yes, I can let you enjoy this. I’ll stop.’

In one sentence, he’d reminded me that it’s the value we place on something that matters. Whether I thought there was value in the actual item or not, there was certainly value in the joy he was getting in giving the gifts and the joy he was getting out of thinking about his friends. Once I saw this, I got a lot of joy out of his joy.

Sometimes the boys will ask why I’m shouting and sometimes I’ll have a very good answer. Other times the answer will be that I’m grumpy or tired or frustrated with something or someone other than them. I love that they ask this question as it brings me into the present moment where I can mindfully think about what I’m actually upset about, be it with them, or something completely different.

Sometimes I have trouble with being present. My son’s have called me on this and as a result, I am more present with them. And it’s not always a matter of being ‘called on something’. Sometimes it’s just noticing. Noticing how much more the boys talk to me when we go for a walk and I listen intently, without thinking about all the other things I need to do.

Sometimes it’s watching how they interact with each other, or how they speak to someone who needs some help, or it’s how intently they listen to someone more knowledgeable (especially about soccer!).

Sometimes it’s about noticing how grateful I am that my youngest will still hold my hand in public and how both boys genuinely really want to spend time with me.

So while I have no intention of beating myself up about not being perfect (who is?), I am very grateful to have two little teachers under my roof!

Personally I love that we have the opportunity to continually learn throughout our lives and I think it’s important to always be open to this.

So I’ll leave you with a question to ponder. Who are the teachers in your life and what do they teach you?

Warmest wishes,

Laurenne Di Salvo

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