You will often hear people who are reluctant to put themselves “out there” say, “I’m shy”.  They are almost always struggling with low self-esteem. They can also have minimal self-awareness and not sure about how they come across. They fear that someone will think badly of us or reject us. People often forget that they have their own uniqueness. No two human beings are alike, yet they constantly compare themselves with unrealistic stereotypes of the perfect woman or man. These stereotypical aspirations can do more harm than good and maybe keeping the real YOU locked away or hiding out.

Don’t believe the hype.  Believe in yourself.

After nearly 17 years in the coaching industry we have identified the most effective steps you can take to release the label of “shyness” and be FREE to you be YOU.  Each of these steps guides you towards developing awareness about your true worth and enables or releases a sense of relief as you let go of self-doubt and start to demonstrate a confidence level that truly lifts your spirits.

1. Make a promise to yourself to never think or say “I’m shy” again
It is a MUST!  If this really challenges you then I suggest you start to think of the statement, “I’m shy” simply is a label.  A self-imposed (and painful) label.  I suggest you don’t waste any more time trying to figure out why you have given yourself this label. You have probably gone over and over it in your mind or with a counselor  many times.  You might have found many reasons why you have been shy or how you got to be like that. It is safe to assume that you will always find many reasons (excuses??) especially when you start to plan a social outing.   It doesn’t help in a practical sense, at all.  So, let go of focusing on what doesn’t serve by taking far more positive, proactive, practical and effective steps towards the beautiful state of FREEDOM that social confidence brings.

2. Continually top up your “self-love-tank”in between social outings
The greater the self-love; the greater the quality of life. Self-love is the catalyst for confidence. One of the things that both men and women say is the most attractive attribute in a person the person’s confidence and attitude.  By taking time to do things for yourself that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside is paramount to confidence and self-esteem.If you were to make a list of all the things that would make you feel pampered, warm and fuzzy I am 100% confident you would say you actually find each thing fun, delightfully pleasant, relaxing and always uplifting to do.  So, why not choose 2-3 things each week to HAVE more fun and to feel fabulous?  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain!  Gain is good, right?

3. Write a vision statement for yourself  about your best version of YOU
You could write a statement something like this one…….”I am so happy and proud of my own uniqueness. People love to chat with me and I am there with an open ear whenever I can be. I take time out to ‘smell the roses’ each day and I feel so grateful for all the beauty around me and my own beauty that I allow to shine from within. I stand tall, I smile, I choose to focus outwardly by focusing on finding ways to help others to be comfortable, in the moment, having fun. This makes me comfortable and easily able to enjoy myself.  This win/win brings joy and freedom all around. Each day counts and I love learning and growing as I go about each day. It is great to be alive because I have chosen to live a fulfilling life. I plan my social life and make no more excuses.  I am no longer my own best-kept secret!”.Read this or read your very own vision statement every day.  Tweak it as you evolve and improve your life.

4. Practice playfulness and presence
It is evident that people who have been labeling themselves as “shy” for a while have simply forgotten how to be playful. Mucking around with your best friend or your best buddies at school was often a daily occurrence at lunchtime.  You probably shared silly banter and just hung out enjoying the moment.  You didn’t think about it.  It just unfolded each day and you were cool with that most of the time, right?  So, what was actually going on between you and your friends.   I would suggest it was the sum of these things:

• You were in the moment (fully present)
• You were carefree, accepting and non-judgmental
• You were just being yourself (not perfect and you didn’t care)
• You made sure you and everyone had a good time.

5. Don’t take yourself too seriously and K I S S it! Socializing is just that – it’s social.  Social is all about being around other people and not being stuck in your head or hiding out behind the label (or excuse) of “I’m shy”.  If you were to give yourself permission for the next month to just be fully present, carefree, accepting and focused on helping those around you to have fun and be happy I can guarantee that you will feel a whole lot better. You will have measurable improvement in your self-esteem and feel a lot more FREEDOM to be yourself. But!  But, only if you don’t take yourself or socializing too seriously!  The KISS principle is a great way to stop taking yourself too seriously.

K – keep    I – it     S – simple   S – sweet/sexy/savvy/sensational you!

The post Identify with “I’m shy”? 5 steps to FREEDOM from “shyness” appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.

I was working with one of my favourite clients, she is a well established business woman, energetic, focused and highly driven.  We were working on her business, she was growing but it was lacking foundation and visibility.

In one of our sessions we looked at her client base and some of her clients had not paid her for work she had completed. Even though she had contacted them on several occasions she still did not receive payment, it sounded like my client had not set her boundaries (and policies) clearly enough.

It prompted me to ask her some challenging questions and once we dove into this topic a little bit deeper we uncovered something quite interesting.

It turned out she was (without being aware of it) under-valuing herself and her services on a regular basis. She was telling me that when she submitted her quotes for jobs and the client would say “oh this is a bit expensive” she would quite often drop her price. This type of behaviour was not only present in business but in other areas of her life as well.

You see me client wants to be liked by everybody…. the reality is not everyone will like you.

We adjusted her strategy, implemented some steps that would give her confidence when having to address the payment or pricing issue in the future.

Soon after, my client contacted me to tell me about one of her clients she had recently quoted, the client rang her and said “your quote seems a bit pricey”, her response this time was different instead of reducing the price she stepped him through the value they would be receiving. She concluded the conversation with “I will leave it with you and let me know when you have made your decision”.

Within two hours she received a call back that she had won the job.

This is one of many stories, if you don’t believe in yourself enough or your product or service then how will your clients?  If this question and story triggers some discomfort within you it is time to explore your belief systems and re-invent your communication from a new and stronger position.

Sarita,  Business Mindset and Strategy Coach

The post Are you clear on your boundaries? appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.

Why do teens test the boundaries? Why won’t they listen to you? How can you control their behaviours more? Common questions, with a Secret Solution. Teens test the boundaries for several reasons; to aim for a sense of freedom, to get your attention, to determine what they can and can’t get away with and to feel like they have power and control. In order to better respond to these reactions from your teen, check out the following tips:

Tip 1 – Remember your teen is a Developing Adolescent

The four cornerstones of adolescent development are independence, body image, peer relationships and sexuality. Your teen’s behaviours are driven by these factors, so keep this in mind before you discuss your desired boundaries.

Tip 2 – Work together to find an agreeable compromise

We have found you are more likely to gain agreement on the boundaries when you try to  understand what they are trying gain, what they want to explore and why they think they want it. – keeping in mind what stage of their development they seem to be in.  If you can reach an agreement with your teen, ensure it is fair, safe and teaches your teen that something or part of their request is better than nothing at all. Refrain from adopting the Brick Wall Parenting approach or “My Way of the Highway” syndrome, as this WILL lead your teen to rebel even more.

Tip 3– Set boundaries that teach Cooperation & Responsibility

With this focus, teens will develop a real sense of freedom through being empowered to take responsibility, and thus be confident in making more choices for themselves. They can become problem solvers and feel compelled to be more useful and helpful to others.

Tip 4 – Communication is the Key

Be assertive and stick to your guns when setting boundaries. Emphasise what might happen if the boundary wasn’t upheld, but don’t resort to “Worst Case Scenarios” or make verbal threats. Consider making the conversation future-focused, highlighting the long term benefits and rewards for your teen by them following boundaries now.

Tip 5 – It’s up to You to Control the Conversation

Plan and prepare for your talk I advance; this has many benefits. By knowing your desired outcome, you can structure the talk around boundaries and be more prepared for your teen’s possible refusal and defiant questions.

Tip 6 – Use the Power of Positive Reinforcement

When your ten follows and respects your boundaries, reward them for it! You can just simply come out and say “I’m proud of you”. Even cook them a special meal, increase their pocket money, or do something fun together. Rewards will encourage your teen to continue to follow the boundaries and see the benefits in doing so. But remember to reward reasonably.

Tip 7 – Always Keep an Open Mind

Try your best to let go of strong judgement. This can reduce disappointment, prompt effective questioning and honest answers and build self-awareness in your teen, and you. Consider multiple approaches to setting boundaries and try them all.

Bonus Tip – Focus on the Relationship

Get to know your teen as they change and grow. Spend quality time with them, but also allow them their space and independence. Ask questions about their day, offer suggestions by telling them about an article your read or create a story of how something worked well for another family so you can still get your advice “out there” without them thinking you are telling them what to do or nagging them.  It works a treat! It also helps to keep a healthy relationship because teenagers tend to steer away from advice and may clamp up if they know you are going to advise them all the time.  The better your relationship is, the better behaved and safer your teen will be.

The post 7 Tips for setting boundaries with teenagers appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.

If you are a parent and you heard your child say  “I can’t do that” or “I’m hopeless at that” you would most likely respond straight away with, “Yes you can” or “You are not hopeless at that at all”, and “With a bit of practice you can get really good at that.”   Your child will often respond with curiosity and you would also see their facial expressions change as they start to think that they actually might be better at it (whatever ‘it’ may be) than they first thought. Then they often start to get excited and so they run off and play.   Well done…You’ve planted the positive seed and then you let them sow that seed that leads to greater self-belief each time they try ‘it’ again.

To overcome your self-imposed label (yes, that is really what it is) of  “shyness” you can do this:

• Start to question yourself by saying, “Maybe I am not so shy”.  This is the bridging step.  Keep saying this over and over to yourself and you will find you are like the child who is open to being better at ‘it’.
• Build curiosity within yourself.  Whenever you go anywhere you can make it a conscious choice to simply be more curious about other people.  Curiosity is wonderful state to be in.  Without it how would we find out what interests us or learn about what other people are interested in?  Having a keen interest in others is a good thing to do, as well.
• You can then create a new label that might be something very believable like, “I’m a quiet achiever enjoying the company of others”, or “I am proud of my own uniqueness and I am opening my eyes and ears for people to connect with me”.
• Notice subtle differences when you are socialising or out and about.  Do you seem to find that other people are being more pen, friendly and curious with you too?   This is no coincidence or just about them. It is about YOU making positive changes to your own opinion or label of yourself.
• Enjoy the freedom that comes with losing the limiting label of “I’m shy”.   Why not choose to enjoy the process of letting go of your old label and become even more aware of the reward that social connection will certainly bring you.

Feel free to share your story on our Facebook page – https://www.facebook.com/LifeTools101/.

This blog is a collective effort from the LCM Team.

Have a great day!

The post Social Confidence -It is what you say it is appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.