The post The ‘new normal’ awaits, are you ready? appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>Spending time at home has given you time to think. Are you thinking about undertaking further study, or setting up a new business? Now is a good time to start your plan and make the most of new opportunities.
The Government has recently announced new funding for on-line training to help people re-skill or advance their careers, as a result of disruptions from COVID-19. These discounted six-month courses are expected to start in May, and will be offered by TAFEs, Universities and private providers in priority areas. Loan schemes will also apply.
https://ministers.dese.gov.au/tehan/higher-education-relief-package
Our experienced coaches are ready to help you to take the first steps towards making a change, identify your career goals, your skills, strengths and interest and select the most suitable training course. Your coach is also there to provide guidance and encouragement so that you gain confidence in your decision-making.
You can go to our Testimonials page to learn more about the results you can gain or can pick up the phone and call 1300137706 to speak to an Holistic Career and Life Coach today.
Contact us now and lets work on this together!
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]]>The post Identify with “I’m shy”? 5 steps to FREEDOM from “shyness” appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>You will often hear people who are reluctant to put themselves “out there” say, “I’m shy”. They are almost always struggling with low self-esteem. They can also have minimal self-awareness and not sure about how they come across. They fear that someone will think badly of us or reject us. People often forget that they have their own uniqueness. No two human beings are alike, yet they constantly compare themselves with unrealistic stereotypes of the perfect woman or man. These stereotypical aspirations can do more harm than good and maybe keeping the real YOU locked away or hiding out.
Don’t believe the hype. Believe in yourself.
After nearly 17 years in the coaching industry we have identified the most effective steps you can take to release the label of “shyness” and be FREE to you be YOU. Each of these steps guides you towards developing awareness about your true worth and enables or releases a sense of relief as you let go of self-doubt and start to demonstrate a confidence level that truly lifts your spirits.
1. Make a promise to yourself to never think or say “I’m shy” again
It is a MUST! If this really challenges you then I suggest you start to think of the statement, “I’m shy” simply is a label. A self-imposed (and painful) label. I suggest you don’t waste any more time trying to figure out why you have given yourself this label. You have probably gone over and over it in your mind or with a counselor many times. You might have found many reasons why you have been shy or how you got to be like that. It is safe to assume that you will always find many reasons (excuses??) especially when you start to plan a social outing. It doesn’t help in a practical sense, at all. So, let go of focusing on what doesn’t serve by taking far more positive, proactive, practical and effective steps towards the beautiful state of FREEDOM that social confidence brings.
2. Continually top up your “self-love-tank”in between social outings
The greater the self-love; the greater the quality of life. Self-love is the catalyst for confidence. One of the things that both men and women say is the most attractive attribute in a person the person’s confidence and attitude. By taking time to do things for yourself that make you feel warm and fuzzy inside is paramount to confidence and self-esteem.If you were to make a list of all the things that would make you feel pampered, warm and fuzzy I am 100% confident you would say you actually find each thing fun, delightfully pleasant, relaxing and always uplifting to do. So, why not choose 2-3 things each week to HAVE more fun and to feel fabulous? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Gain is good, right?
3. Write a vision statement for yourself about your best version of YOU
You could write a statement something like this one…….”I am so happy and proud of my own uniqueness. People love to chat with me and I am there with an open ear whenever I can be. I take time out to ‘smell the roses’ each day and I feel so grateful for all the beauty around me and my own beauty that I allow to shine from within. I stand tall, I smile, I choose to focus outwardly by focusing on finding ways to help others to be comfortable, in the moment, having fun. This makes me comfortable and easily able to enjoy myself. This win/win brings joy and freedom all around. Each day counts and I love learning and growing as I go about each day. It is great to be alive because I have chosen to live a fulfilling life. I plan my social life and make no more excuses. I am no longer my own best-kept secret!”.Read this or read your very own vision statement every day. Tweak it as you evolve and improve your life.
4. Practice playfulness and presence
It is evident that people who have been labeling themselves as “shy” for a while have simply forgotten how to be playful. Mucking around with your best friend or your best buddies at school was often a daily occurrence at lunchtime. You probably shared silly banter and just hung out enjoying the moment. You didn’t think about it. It just unfolded each day and you were cool with that most of the time, right? So, what was actually going on between you and your friends. I would suggest it was the sum of these things:
5. Don’t take yourself too seriously and K I S S it! Socializing is just that – it’s social. Social is all about being around other people and not being stuck in your head or hiding out behind the label (or excuse) of “I’m shy”. If you were to give yourself permission for the next month to just be fully present, carefree, accepting and focused on helping those around you to have fun and be happy I can guarantee that you will feel a whole lot better. You will have measurable improvement in your self-esteem and feel a lot more FREEDOM to be yourself. But! But, only if you don’t take yourself or socializing too seriously! The KISS principle is a great way to stop taking yourself too seriously.
K – keep I – it S – simple S – sweet/sexy/savvy/sensational you!
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]]>The post Why Your Teen Struggles to Make Decisions appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>“What am I going to do with my life?”
And this pertains to the career path they will follow after high school. Is it really fair to expect all teens to know the answer to this at the age of 18 or usually younger at even 17 or 16 years of age?
There are three ways that most teens will face this decision, and many more of the big ones that come they way.
They will either Delay it, Avoid it or Delegate it. Let me explain.
Delaying their decisions comes down to putting it off to “Someday” when they feel ready to make the decision, or they are “waiting”… waiting to see what will happen in school, what their friends are doing, or for inspiration to magically appear.
Avoiding the decision all together is self-explanatory and teens will do one of two things; tell themselves, and others, they don’t need to decide, or simply rule out making a decision at all. They will have their reasons for this, which is either because they don’t want to decide out of necessity or expectations from others, or they are simply afraid to decide.
And then delegating the decision, means they leave the choice up to others. It could be to go with what mum and dad advise, what a friend suggests, what the teacher recommends, or what society and/or the media is pushing at the time. Handing over the power and responsibility to someone else to decide may feel easy at first, but then your teen risks the chance of being filled with self-doubt about the choices they’ve adopted, or resenting the decision because they know it didn’t come from them, and it isn’t really true for them.
Most teens will fall under one of these categories of decision making at some point, and when it comes to the end of high school where some of their biggest decisions need to be made, it’s concerning to think that their decision making is being left to chance, circumstance or conditions bestowed on them by others.
I know that for you, as a parent, you want the best for your teen. No doubt about it. If you see them not making decisions, and their inaction concerns you, don’t enforce your decisions onto your teen, and don’t just let them fall under one of the three categories mentioned either. Decisions can be made authentically and honestly, when a teen knows what is most important to them.
Before any decision is made, the mind will go through its Perceptions; those being the accumulated thoughts, ideas, visions, feelings and judgements our brain compiles based on the experiences of the past, the view of the present and the outlook on the future. For example, if a teen has had a bad history in education and is continuing to struggle currently, then their future outlook on further education is probably not strong. So going onto University is most likely not on their radar. Perhaps it’s working, or just taking time off to think about things. Not a bad move either, and this time out, or “The Gap Year” as it’s more commonly known, is a popular pathway for teens in the first year out of high school.
But understanding that perceptions influence our decisions, and decisions dictate our actions, what do you know about your teen’s perceptions? How do they view themselves? Their peers? You? The world at large? What is their understanding of work, further education, and gaining independence? What is their outlook on the future like; bleak and dark or bright and hopeful? As we all create our own perceptions, it can be hard to see someone else’s. But that’s where Life Coaching for teens helps.
With my 12 years experience working with young people from all backgrounds and walks of life, I have the right questions to draw from your teen what their perceptions are, even if they’re not fully aware. By asking certain questions, they will share things with me that say a lot about what’s going on in their headspace. I then ask them to consider how those viewpoints affect the decisions they make, or don’t make, and what results those decisions can bring. Using the creative power of the mind and foresight, I guide your teen to see how they will end up if they make certain decisions. And if the outcome is not appealing to them, I get them to go back to their perceptions, and “reframe” the way they see things.
The big decisions still need to be made, there’s no avoiding them. But by getting their mindset in the right place first, they will make smarter decisions, and follow through with clever actions, which improves their chances for good outcomes. This helps to ensure those big decisions are not only being made, but are being made with confidence and satisfaction from your teen, so they will follow through on those decisions.
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]]>The post Helping your Teen get their Ideal Job – in Six Steps! appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>Whether you’re a parent of a teen, a teacher or youth work professional, you are positioned in an important role. You have the influence and obligation to assist your teen to navigate their way from adolescence into young adulthood. With youth unemployment at high rates and soaring, follow these six steps to support your teen to not just find any job, but find the career path they want and are passionate about.
Begin with your teen’s goals and dreams. Ask them about their interests, what they like to do or are good at and even what their ideal or “perfect” job would be. This gets the teen talking about their favourite topic – themselves! You can learn a lot from this conversation. What do their answers come back to the most? Is there a common theme or interest there? Notice what goes on with them as they talk about these things. It’s a great starting place, which then allows you to move onto the brainstorming step…
This is where the planning and goal setting stage happens. Encourage your teen to think big and ask “What if..?” Make it conversational, and suggest possible pathways you know, but don’t force any onto your teen. Rather, just make them aware of what’s out there. Ask them to consider how best their skills could be used and what would be important to them in a job. By now, your teen has identified some possible career paths or jobs that could be stepping stones t where they want to be in the future. This then allows your teen to see the relevance in exploring various forms of education…
Looking at where your teen is at academically, what would be the next best step for them? Perhaps just completing high school is the focus. However, if that is going well, then look at further education via University or TAFE. But if your teen is a hands-on leaner, then think about apprenticeships or traineeships as an option. By asking your teen what they know about different educational options, you will get a good idea of where their knowledge ad enthusiasm is when it comes to the further development of their w learning. From this conversation, your teen will tell you what they know and see the route to get where they want to be vocationally in the future. This is now the precursor for deciding the way forward in their learning journey…
Connecting their interest with their ideal job and a possible educational pathway, it’s now time to lay a foundation upon which your teen can build on. This could be University, TAFE, a short course work experience, volunteering, learning on the job, etc. Determine your teen’s preferred learning style and what their vision is for their own future. By now, they are piecing together the puzzle of work and education, beginning to see that making a choice is easier once they’ve considered what’s most important to them. Realising that a job matching their interests is a possibility, there are educational pathways to get them there and a variety of ways to learn, they will now be ready to start moving in that direction…
This is where the teen picks their target and goes for it. Maybe it involves applying for a job, enrolling in a course or both. It also involves what to do beyond the initial attainment of these goals, i.e. how to keep the job once they have it and how to mange their own learning experience once in a course. Asking questions that give them a good insight into their strengths and weaknesses before they start will prepare your teen with the mindset they’ll need to navigate their chosen direction. Questions like, “What are your concerns and fears about job interviews?” Is there anything holding you back from studying or working right now? How do you go at taking instructions and meeting deadlines?” Before they even start, your teen can see how they go in doing certain things. This prepares them mentally, giving them the confidence and ability to predict how they will handle various situations and the duration of time they will require of themselves to take each step. With a plan and a clear outcome in place, they’ll have a better chance for…
Help your teen set goals and expectations that give them the best chance of success. Encourage them to choose a direction, emphasising that everyone starts somewhere and where they begin won’t necessarily be where they remain. They may try many roads in their working and learning journey, but the important part is to simply start somewhere. Check in with them regularly around how well they understand their choices and pathway. Remind your teen that once they’ve made it they still have to work to keep it; being responsible, committed and enthusiastic.
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]]>The post 7 Tips for setting boundaries with teenagers appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>Why do teens test the boundaries? Why won’t they listen to you? How can you control their behaviours more? Common questions, with a Secret Solution. Teens test the boundaries for several reasons; to aim for a sense of freedom, to get your attention, to determine what they can and can’t get away with and to feel like they have power and control. In order to better respond to these reactions from your teen, check out the following tips:
The four cornerstones of adolescent development are independence, body image, peer relationships and sexuality. Your teen’s behaviours are driven by these factors, so keep this in mind before you discuss your desired boundaries.
We have found you are more likely to gain agreement on the boundaries when you try to understand what they are trying gain, what they want to explore and why they think they want it. – keeping in mind what stage of their development they seem to be in. If you can reach an agreement with your teen, ensure it is fair, safe and teaches your teen that something or part of their request is better than nothing at all. Refrain from adopting the Brick Wall Parenting approach or “My Way of the Highway” syndrome, as this WILL lead your teen to rebel even more.
With this focus, teens will develop a real sense of freedom through being empowered to take responsibility, and thus be confident in making more choices for themselves. They can become problem solvers and feel compelled to be more useful and helpful to others.
Be assertive and stick to your guns when setting boundaries. Emphasise what might happen if the boundary wasn’t upheld, but don’t resort to “Worst Case Scenarios” or make verbal threats. Consider making the conversation future-focused, highlighting the long term benefits and rewards for your teen by them following boundaries now.
Plan and prepare for your talk I advance; this has many benefits. By knowing your desired outcome, you can structure the talk around boundaries and be more prepared for your teen’s possible refusal and defiant questions.
When your ten follows and respects your boundaries, reward them for it! You can just simply come out and say “I’m proud of you”. Even cook them a special meal, increase their pocket money, or do something fun together. Rewards will encourage your teen to continue to follow the boundaries and see the benefits in doing so. But remember to reward reasonably.
Try your best to let go of strong judgement. This can reduce disappointment, prompt effective questioning and honest answers and build self-awareness in your teen, and you. Consider multiple approaches to setting boundaries and try them all.
Get to know your teen as they change and grow. Spend quality time with them, but also allow them their space and independence. Ask questions about their day, offer suggestions by telling them about an article your read or create a story of how something worked well for another family so you can still get your advice “out there” without them thinking you are telling them what to do or nagging them. It works a treat! It also helps to keep a healthy relationship because teenagers tend to steer away from advice and may clamp up if they know you are going to advise them all the time. The better your relationship is, the better behaved and safer your teen will be.
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]]>The post Who are Your Teachers? appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>Our teachers in life come in all shapes are sizes. For example, my kids are often my teachers. I know I’m biased, but I think they’re amazing little people. While both display these characteristics, one son loves passionately, thinks with such clarity, is compassionate and very patient. The other is creative and courageous and vivacious. I love them both dearly!
I also love that they are willing to call me on behaviour that others wouldn’t. I think this is important. They call my behaviour, question my comments and metaphorically hold up a mirror for me. This can be a little confronting. It is also very healthy. Fortunately, sometimes what they say is also what I’ve said to them, but clearly I need to hear the message too!
In fact, I’m sure they teach me as much as I teach them. Often this is about being mindful, about being present and about being grateful. Inadvertently, they enforce some of the principles behind Positive Psychology!
Let me give you a few examples:
One son wanted to buy Christmas presents for a couple of his friends. He used his pocket money and bought what I believed to be ‘expensive plastic crap’. I clearly mentioned this a few too many times, because he said to me, ‘Mum, can you not wreck this for me?’
He stopped me in my tracks. Instead of appreciating that he’d put a lot of thought into what
his friends would love, and being excited for him that he would enjoy the look on his friends’ faces when he gave them what he knew they would love, I was focused on how I objectively valued the gifts.
I immediately said, ‘Yes, I can let you enjoy this. I’ll stop.’
In one sentence, he’d reminded me that it’s the value we place on something that matters. Whether I thought there was value in the actual item or not, there was certainly value in the joy he was getting in giving the gifts and the joy he was getting out of thinking about his friends. Once I saw this, I got a lot of joy out of his joy.
Sometimes the boys will ask why I’m shouting and sometimes I’ll have a very good answer. Other times the answer will be that I’m grumpy or tired or frustrated with something or someone other than them. I love that they ask this question as it brings me into the present moment where I can mindfully think about what I’m actually upset about, be it with them, or something completely different.
Sometimes I have trouble with being present. My son’s have called me on this and as a result, I am more present with them. And it’s not always a matter of being ‘called on something’. Sometimes it’s just noticing. Noticing how much more the boys talk to me when we go for a walk and I listen intently, without thinking about all the other things I need to do.
Sometimes it’s watching how they interact with each other, or how they speak to someone who needs some help, or it’s how intently they listen to someone more knowledgeable (especially about soccer!).
Sometimes it’s about noticing how grateful I am that my youngest will still hold my hand in public and how both boys genuinely really want to spend time with me.
So while I have no intention of beating myself up about not being perfect (who is?), I am very grateful to have two little teachers under my roof!
Personally I love that we have the opportunity to continually learn throughout our lives and I think it’s important to always be open to this.
So I’ll leave you with a question to ponder. Who are the teachers in your life and what do they teach you?
Warmest wishes,
Laurenne Di Salvo
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The post Who are Your Teachers? appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>The post The Importance of Knowing Your Core Values appeared first on Life Coaching Melbourne.
]]>A key component in our personal development and wellbeing is increasing self-awareness around our core values. When talking about values, we’re talking about what’s most important to us in life and this will be different for everyone. In fact, it will be different for each of us at different stages in our lives as our priorities, situation and relationships shift and evolve.
I wonder, when was the last time you really thought about your values. If I asked you, “what are your top five values?” could you answer me? If you couldn’t, that would actually be quite standard and I also think quite fair. After all, we’ve got a lot going on. Yet, knowing our values and importantly, ensuring our actions are aligned with our values is an important element of wellbeing.
Have you ever noticed how you feel when a situation, or someone’s behaviour (maybe even your own) doesn’t match with your values? You may feel out of alignment, or like things aren’t quite right. You may even feel anxious, angry, or you may feel conflicted. You may notice these feelings reflected in your thoughts, or even in your body. Notice, where does this sit for you?
Generally, a misalignment in values and actions doesn’t bring out the best in us. Notice what happens to your communication skills and coping skills. Generally, they take a step backwards.
In contrast, when our values and actions are aligned, this can light us up and give us energy. We may feel a greater sense of wellbeing and purpose.
Step 1: Identify your core values
There are many exercises available to help you tap into your core values. I often use one based on a tool produced by The Coaching Tools Company. You can download their tool here.
Step 2: Understand how these values show up in your life
Think about:
We don’t all demonstrate our values in the same way. The same value can show up quite differently for different people. For instance, let’s take the value ‘creativity’. For one person, this may show up in an artistic sense, for someone else it may be around ways of thinking or their approach, and for yet others, it may be more to do with innovation. It’s therefore important to understand how your values shows up in your life, your actions and behaviours.
Step 3: If necessary, adjust your behaviour to ensure your values and behaviours are aligned.
If you feel out of alignment, think about what behaviours and actions you could change and what the impact would be on you. Use your values as a guide for your behaviours.
If you would like some support to help you gain clarity on what your core values are, how understanding your values can guide your personal and professional development, and the impact of aligning your values and actions on your wellbeing, please give me a call.
Warmest regards,
Laurenne Di Salvo
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